| |
| |
|
Coaching Information |
|
|
|
Helping Relationships: Understanding the Helpee
One of the most distressing observations I have made among my social work colleagues, is the overwhelming proclivity on the part of many of us so-called helpers, to lack understanding and sensitivity to the position helpees are in when they agree to accept intervention. Many of us take "professionalism" out of context and become more of a burden to families than a helping resource. All to often, we believe we are "experts" (a term used rather loosely these days), and therefore know more about what is best for those we are attempting to help, which as far as I am concerned is utterly ridiculous. We want to take individuals out of their dysfunctional world, bring them into our less than perfect world and then drop them like a hot potato. We judge their world as inadequate and we must therefore make it more adequate by imposing our "expertise." We enter helping relationships with the desire to "fix it" not understanding that we do not have the power to fix; only the helpee has that power. I believe the best way to help individuals is to positively influence their decision for change; to assist them in getting comfortable with the idea of change and the benefits it may have for their lives. If people buy into the need for change, and we provide the support and tools needed for them to change, change will happen. But, before that can occur, we professionals must become sensitized to what it means for individuals to receive help. It is not a pretty picture. Let's take a brief look at what is required for individuals (including us professionals by the way) to accept help. 1) It Is Not Easy To Receive Help - Most people who need help experience mixed feelings. They want help and at the same time are terrified of it. And in many cases, the fear of it is greater than the desire for it. We can understand this better if we look at what demands are placed on the person who needs help: - There is a recognition that something is wrong with him/her or lacking in their situation which they apparently cannot manage sufficiently themselves. The consequence of this recognition is the lowering of self-esteem. - They must be willing to tell someone else about their problem. - They must accord to the Helper at least limited rights to personal information. - They must be open to change in some way. 2) Commitment to Change is Not Easy - Change means giving up whatever adjustment has been made to their current situation; adjustments that have cost a great deal to make and have become a part of their world and lifestyle. They have developed a comfort zone that they are not readily willing to move out of. Most of us tend to cling to the status quo out of fear. As professionals, we must realize that it is hard for individuals to say good-bye to old ways of thinking and doing things. Keep in mind that to commit to change means committing to the unknown. Their comfort world is where they are accustomed. From our perspective it may be a miserable comfort, but in the helpees world, misery is oftentimes preferred to the unknown. 3) It Is Difficult to Submit to the Influence of a Helper - Many helpees have had bad experiences with helpers. For many people, trying to live more productive lives with the assistance of helpers has only resulted in greater defeat. While a willingness to help is important, it is not enough within itself. Helpers must be prepared to offer the kind of help helpees need. 4) It Is Not Easy to Trust Strangers Enough to be Open With Them -Many people have been deeply hurt by so called helpers: confidence betrayed, taken advantage of, verbally abused, mistreated, dehumanized, humiliated, belittled. I do not care how insufficient an individual may appear, they do not want to be made to "feel" inadequate. 5. It Is Not Easy To See One's Problem Clearly - Many helpees live complicated lives. There are so many issues they are contending with that often they are unable to pinpoint what their problem is that they desire help with. In social work, what helpees tell us initially is what we call the "presenting problem" We recognize the presenting problem as the surface layer and it is rarely the problem that needs addressing. 6. Sometimes Problems Seem too Overwhelming, or Shameful to Share Easily. Helpees do not want to be perceived in a negative light by the helper and may experience great difficulty in relating areas of their lives in which they feel ashamed and believe they will be judged. It is not an easy thing to accept help. Yet, for the most part, this tremendous demand made on the person to be helped has gone unrecognized. People who refuse help are still thought of as ungrateful when all they really are is afraid. They are very much afraid of what it will cost them to accept help or to make changes. Rev. Saundra L. Washington, D.D., is an ordained clergywoman, veteran social worker, and Founder of AMEN Ministries. She is also the author of two coffee table books: Room Beneath the Snow: Poems that Preach and Negative Disturbances: Homilies that Teach which can be reviewed on her site. Her new book, Out of Deep Waters: My Grief Management Workbook, is expected to be available in July. You are welcome to visit AMEN Ministries: Your Souls' service Station for spiritual refreshing, soul edification or to browse our newly expanded mini shopping mall. http://www.clergyservices4u.org Blessings to all!
MORE RESOURCES:
Coaching - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Potential One of the most often mis-understood aspects of self-development is the concept of potential. We are often told that we can achieve our full potential, however, what does this really mean? When the focus is building self-esteem and motivating individuals to do better, there is often the implication that potential is a destination or an end-point that can be reached, and if we just strive for "it", we will reach "it". Mind the Gap The underground train in London can get you anywhere when you know how to maneuver all the options. Like our subways, London under ground is a busy place. Reduce Anxiety About Decison Making What's the alternative to making decisions?Allowing someone else, or circumstances, to make them for you.And that is giving up control of your life. New Definition of Retirement A new definition of retirement is evolving. It's one that's focused on continual exploration, learning and growth. Coaching Skills for Peers: Extending Influence Many people think of coaching solely as a management technique. Although coaching skills provide managers with the means to get business results while creating solid relationships, the value of coaching in other arenas is often overlooked. Being an Emotional Victim None of us like to think of ourselves as victims. The term "victim" brings to mind a pathetic image of a person who is powerless. Integrating Life and Work Organizations are finally creating cultures that support a work and life balance for their employees. After years of demanding high productivity and increasing on the job hours and expectations and not achieving the hoped-for better results, companies are finally embracing polices and procedures that support employees in integrating their life and work experience. Be Better at Business - And Lose Weight, Too! In business, individuals often secure the services of a success coach like myself to "fix" certain areas of their professional life. The desired fixes typically range from a desire for a promotion and/or a salary increase, to on-the-job performance enhancements, to improving one's personal productivity, to boosting one's level of enthusiasm about their job. The Incredible Rightness of Being An Age-Old QuestionSearching for more meaning in our lives has been an age-old preoccupation for us humans. Why am I here? What am I meant to do? What's the point of it all? And, most importantly in the modern-day world, what is it that will make me happy?Dissatisfaction, or "Gimme More!"It is human nature that when we feel dissatisfied with something - be it our jobs, our homes, our relationships, or even our lives in general - we feel there is something missing. 7 Destructive Habits of Incompetent People WARNING! If you want to have a fantastic life, never engage yourself in these 7 deadly habits that incompetent people do. NUMBER 1 - They Think, Say, & Do Negative Things. Executive Coaching and Effective Learning We've all been through training events-workshops, seminars, and courses that didn't affect our behavior as much as we would have preferred. And while each provides valuable information and tools for increased productivity, most of us also understand what happens after the workshop is over. Let Go of Your Past People have a difficult time letting go of the past because they are held back by unfinished business. They may regret choices they have made or feel guilty about past actions. A Sure-Fire, 10-Step Formula To Get Started As A Coach Or Consultant "My guess is first I'll need some zippy flyers and a tri-fold brochure" said an email from Matt last week. Sadly, he is not the only one thinking that the first step to building a professional business is printing fliers and brochures. The Power of Visualization Professional athletes and other highly successful people use the power of visualization technique on a regular basis. Why? Results of a 20-year study of the effects of visualization on results revealed an amazing discovery. Overcoming Work Addiction Why are you so busy? Do you really have too much work? Is work so important to you that you'll sacrifice just about anything in your life to get the job done? Even if it's at the expense of your health and your relationships?If you find these questions disturbing then see how you rate with these ones:Do you work more than 50 hours a week?Do you dream about work?Do you feel that in order to succeed you must work late most of the time?Are you a stranger in your own home?Do you constantly miss family and social events because you're always working?Do you schedule and undertake more than you can get done in a 40-hour work week?Do you get bored when you're not working?Is missing family and social events because of work unavoidable?When on holiday do you constantly check your phone messages and email?Your ScoreThe greater the number of yes answers, the closer you are to fitting the profile of a workaholic. If you've answered yes to more than half of the questions, it's time to take stock before you lose your health, family and everything you hold near and dear to your heart. We Are the Five People We Associate with Most Last month I was invited to participate in a charity golf tournament in Las Vegas to celebrate the life of the late dancing legend Gregory Hines. The event was held to raise funds and awareness of the tragic disease that took this entertainer's life. A Simple Strategy for Managing ADD As an ADD Coach, I usually begin my conversations with new and potential clients by saying, "Tell me about yourself and why you're looking for coaching." Most people answer with a long list of their ADD challenges. Your Responsibility The other day I decided to skip cooking dinner and ordered fast food, and I ended up finding an insect on it. My husband and I were shocked, grossed out, disappointed, and I do not know what else. Top Ways to Maximize Your Talents at Work Are you maximizing your strengths and promoting your talents at work? If you have sharp analytical skills, have you sought to apply those skills to your current job? I know it sounds crazy to ask for more work when you are already overloaded, but any assistance that you can provide now will ultimately help you advance in your present position or in a future one.You have gifts and talents to offer the world. Success: Cant Achieve It By Yourself? Pay A Professional! So many people go through the motions of trying to achieve success. But just going through the motions doesn't work.
|
| home | site map |
| © 2006 |
