| |
| |
|
Parenting Information |
|
|
|
How NOT to Motivate Your Children and Students
Chaim Ginott was a schoolteacher whose ideas and observations helped to bring about a near revolution in the way teachers interact with their young charges. He later practiced as a psychologist. The phone rang, he relates in one of his books, early on a Monday following Thanksgiving weekend. The woman on the line was clearly very agitated. "Try and figure this out, if you can!" she pleaded. "There we were in the car, the whole family. We drove four hundred miles, from Pittsburgh to New York. In the back of the car, little Ivan behaved like an angel, quiet and deep in thought.. "I said to myself, 'He deserves some praise.' "Just as we entered the Lincoln Tunnel, I turned to him and said: 'You're such a good boy, Ivan. I'm proud of you.' "A minute later, the sky fell on us.. "Ivan pulled out an ashtray and spilled its contents all over us. The ashes, the cigarette butts, and the smoke kept coming, like atomic fallout. We were in the tunnel in heavy traffic, and we were choking. If not for the cars around us, I might have murdered him! "And what burned me up was I had just praised him. Isn't praise good for kids anymore?" Ivan himself solved the mystery a few weeks later, in Ginott's office. All the way home he had been wondering how to get rid of his younger brother, who was snuggled up between mother and father in front of the car. Finally, the idea occurred to him that if their car were jackknifed in the middle, he and his parents would be safe, but the baby would be cut in two! Just then his mother had congratulated him for being so good. The praise made him feel guilty. He felt he had to show that he did not deserve it. he looked around and saw the ashtray. The rest followed automatically. Praise can be a highly powerful motivator. We know that. Workplace managers and supervisors know it, and adults who have enjoyed some success in the training of children certainly know it. Parents and educators have few weapons in their armory as potent as praise. Instrument of destruction?However, its correct use is a skill that needs to be learned, like any other. Any weapon that's not controlled is an instrument of destruction. I've cited an extreme case here to make the point. But hopefully, make the point it does. Chaim Ginott was a strong believer in what he called "congruent communication." "Congruent" means "consistent" or "harmonious." What he meant by the phrase is that our communication should be consistent with, or in harmony with, our ultimate objectives. Well, what's new? Sounds so simple, doesn't it? Unfortunately, for many of us it's not so simple. Not at all. I read about someone who recalled how she was having difficulties with math when she was in elementary school. Sensing her child's frustration, her mother took her aside and offered some well-intentioned encouragement: " No one in our family is good in math. I wasn't good at math, your sister isn't good in math. No wonder you're having a hard time. I'm sure you'll be good at something else." Consoling? Maybe. But if at the age of 30 or 40, the former struggling student still had the mathematical ability of an average 10 year old, would you be very surprised? Unhelpful or unproductive messages that young people receive from their elders take many different forms. Uncharacteristically moodyA friend recently told me that his eleven year old was uncharacteristically moody and subdued for a few weeks. It took him a while to figure that something must be bugging the lad at school. At first, the boy insisted that everything was OK, but eventually he blurted it all out. He explained sadly that his teacher kept upsetting him with comments like: "Another poor grade in the test this week. You could do much better, if you really wanted to." "You say you find it difficult to concentrate in class? If you really wanted to, I'm certain you could..." "Dad," moaned the hapless pupil. "I just don't understand this 'if you wanted to' business. Can it be possible? Does my teacher REALLY think I don't care? Surely he must know how much I'd like to be a better student, if only I could?" Fortunately, this story had a happy ending. The father had a friendly, heart to heart chat with the teacher, who understood where he might have been making a mistake. Before long, the teacher's feedback had changed to: "Your grade in this week's test was two percent better. Now that you're going up, perhaps you can manage another two percent hike next week?" "You've concentrated for a solid twenty minutes this morning. You see yourself you can do it. Now, just try to manage for another ten minutes!" Happy days! Azriel Winnett is creator of Hodu.com - Your Communication Skills Portal. This popular free website helps you improve your communication and relationship skills in your business or professional life, in the family unit and on the social scene. New articles added almost daily.
MORE RESOURCES:
Parenting - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Vision: 20/20 Is Not Enough! Now is an excellent time to have your child's vision checked. Don't be too quick to say, "My child's vision is fine: 20/20!" In many cases that is not enough. Weathering Colic for New Parents A common problem many times facing parents is Colic. Estimates say that between 15-25% of infants are born with Colic. Youth In A Changing World IntroductionChildren are the gifts of God to parents. That young child will in no time at all grow up to become a resposible future leader if he is well catered for. Child Abuse - Survey & Comments Beyond cases reported to authorities, little knowledge exists on the types, amount, and effects of childhood victimization. Through a national survey of adolescents, researchers examined the prevalence of sexual assault, physical assault, physically abusive punishment, and witnessing an act of violence and subsequent effects on mental health, substance use, and delinquent behavior problems. How Effective Is EEG Neurofeedback Training in Treating the Symptoms of ADHD? Many research studies have shown the overall effectiveness of stimulant medication, such as Ritalin and Dexedrine in their various forms, in treating the symptoms of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorders in children, teens, and adults. Even though stimulants are not the only effective option in the treatment of the disorder, stimulants may be a good choice, and their use should be discussed with your physician. Nanny 911 and Disciplining Your Child Nanny 911 Interview with Montel WilliamsI saw an interview with Nanny 911 with Montel Williams and I have to say I was really impressed.One of the clips that was shown was Nanny 911 going into a home with 3 or 4 boys. Parents Demand Dumbed-down Tests:An Unintended Bad Consequence of the No Child Left Behind Act The No Child Left Behind Act of 2001 is making the problem of cheating, low academic standards, and public schools lying to parents, even worse. Under this Act, the Department of Education now requires students to pass standardized tests. Promoting Your Childs Motor Development Assuming there are no serious motor problems present, what can you, as an involved parent, do to help promote your child's motor development? To help ensure she becomes a competent, confident mover who enjoys and therefore takes part in physical activity? The answer is: Plenty!Practice is one of the most important factors involved in achieving higher levels of skill performance. But one of the most important factors involved in practice is that it not feel like practice!It's simple, really: All you have to do is play with your child. The Truth About Motherhood What is the mystery of motherhood? I know that when I was pregnant, experienced mothers could not stop giving me advice on taking care of newborns, delivery expectations and child care solutions. Yet, no mother ever told me how dreadful post partum depression could be, how much my world would change, how one person can bring so much to my life. Parenting Your Teenager: 3 More Dangerous Myths MYTH: If you have not parented as well as you would have liked up until now, it's too late to try anything different.REALITY: This is one of those seductive little lies that sounds so close to the truth. Poker Parenting: 4 Ways Poker Skills Produce Parenting Thrills Even as a busy parent, I'm sure you've seen a poker show on TV or at least heard your friends or relatives talking about it. You might even be someone who's caught up in the poker craze of the past two years, riding the wave of a steep learning curve. How Can I Teach My Child Respect? A common theme over the past 20 years has been how much children have changed from when we were growing up in terms of how they show respect. I know that for the most part in the 1960's, anyone in a position of authority commanded respect which included parents, teachers, police officers, principals, bosses, coaches and anyone else we viewed in some way as a person in authority. How to Make Kids More Likeable? Nothing touches the heartstrings of a parent more than the plaintive cry "nobody likes me" or "I don't have any friends." We wish there were something we could do to insure our child will be, if not the most popular, at least included in the games on the playground. ADHD Treatment: Strategy and Philosophy If your child or teen has been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder during the summer, or winter months, and if your child or teen is not a danger to himself or to someone else, we recommend that you try diet and nutritional interventions first and see if they work. Try our Eating Program/Diet and order the VAXA products "Attend" and "Extress". Guide Your Kids! This 3-D Map Leads to Character A tall, weary-looking mother with glasses, walked into my counseling office with her 10-year-old-daughter. The mother frowned at me and sat down. Defrazzle with a Hearty Guffaw "The best blush to use is laughter: It put roses in your cheeks and in your soul."Linda KnightWe all know the old adage that "Laugher is the best medicine" - but what does that mean, actually?Well, research has shown that laughing can help in:* Lowering blood pressure* Reducing stress hormones* Increasing muscle flexibility* Boosting immune function* Triggering the release of endorphins, the body's natural painkillers* Producing a general sense of well-being. What Julia Roberts has to Say about Motherhood Julia Roberts recently gave birth to twins: Hazel and Phinnaeus. At 37, America's Pretty Woman couldn't be happier in her new role of motherhood. Thirteen Values You Can Teach Through Homework Are you a parent concerned about passing values on to your kids? Do you worry that you can't find the time, or don't know how? You don't need thirty-minute multi-media presentations! You can do it with homework. In those precious moments you spend supervising your child's homework, here are thirteen values you can subtly pass on:1) Responsibility: It's their homework, not yours, and it's them being assessed, not you. Positive Parenting - Oops! I Really Lost My Temper With My Kids, What Now? Ever blown your top to your children, only to regret it ten minutes later?Silly question, it happens to us all no matter how well-behaved our kids or placid and patient we are. At times the general strains and stresses of life wear us down so our emotional responses don't match children's behaviours. 5 Ways To Tell If A Preschooler Is Living In Your House 1. You reheated the same cup of coffee three times this morning.
|
| home | site map |
| © 2006 |
