| |
| |
|
Relationships Information |
|
|
|
Is Love Ever In Vain?
All too often you fall in love with someone out of a place of need: you may need someone to complete you because as you are, you don't feel good enough. Still, the love that you feel for that other person may well be utterly genuine, even if its origins lie in your own inadequacies. But somewhere along the line you believe that that love - which is your investment in the other person - should pay dividends. In a bad relationship, there may well not be the desired dividends. Because there is so much hype and - dare I say it? - self-indulgence, magically sanctioned by the 'lurv' word, it's easy to confuse the issues. It is quite possible to love the hurt child who hides in the depths of an abusive partne, or the needy child who drives the behaviour of the sex addict, or the suffering child cowering in the depths of any number of other damaged (and damaging) human beings. But do you really want to bind your life to theirs? Is expecting profoundly damaged human beings to contribute to your happiness reasonable? And is it a good idea to dismiss the voice of reason? You have the choice whether you want to respond to people with love and compassion in the moment... and pass on; or whether you want to make a crusade of the relationship. When you embark on a crusade, a rescue mission or shoring up your own sense of self through another person, you invest your self-worth misguidedly. Then your investment, or more correctly, your gamble, will be in vain, as a general rule. As with any other investment, you can get it wrong - in which case the sensible thing is to get out as fast and painlessly as you can. A lot of people,at some point in their life,will throw good love after bad. Just the same as people do with money. It's a strategy that is unlikely to produce the desired results, in either case. Still loving has to be better than not loving. Refusing to love, or closing down to love, numbs the very soul. And just as there are various lanes to the wealth highway, so there are several lanes to love. There is the love you have for your partner. There are also the family, friends and people you meet in specific contexts with whom, however briefly, you can have a loving - that is to say, caring, empathic, disinterested - relationship. That kind of relationship, surely, never is in vain. Finally, there is Lucille Ball's comment, which deserves to become mantra: 'Love yourself first and everything else falls into line.' Now that kind of love is surely never in vain. Annie Kaszina Joyful Coaching An NLP Practitioner and Women's Empowerment Coach, Annie specialises in helping women heal relationship pain and attract the relationships they want. To order Annie's eBook 'The Woman You Want To Be, or subscribe to her twice monthly ezine go to: http://www.joyfulcoaching.com or email: annie@joyfulcoaching.com
MORE RESOURCES:
Relationships - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
What Is Love And The Love Equation What is Love? This question has bothered me for a long time. After listening to many perspectives and examining Love from several angles, the thought came to my mind that we have over-complicated Love and need easier to understand models. What's Special About Abused Women? Before writing this article, I stopped and thought hard. By writing this, would I be putting potentially harmful information in the hands of abusive men? Would I be putting more women at risk? The answer kept coming back 'no' - although the question did bring to mind another characteristic of abused women that I'll come back to. Great Relationship Advice: Declaration or Demonstration Q: Could you help us settle a growing conflict in our marriage? I always tell my wife I love her and would do anything in the world for her. That doesn't seem to do it for her. Home For The Holidays: Start That Conversation Annie waited too long to have that talk with her parents. It was too late to have it now as they were both beyond comprehending the seriousness of their situation. Improve Your Love Luck with Feng Shui! Are you tired of looking for love without success? If so, the layout, furnishings, and energy of your home and bedroom could be part of the problem. When the areas of your home affecting your love life are cluttered, missing from your floor plan, or suffering from sha chi (harmful energy) it can be difficult to find and maintain a good relationship. 10 Reasons Why Married Couples Grow Apart (Part I) When asked why their marriage is on the rocks, many couples often state that they have just grown apart. The reality of that statement just means the individuals no longer relate to or appreciate each other as they once did. 3 Stone Diamond Rings - Three Times As Nice! It is said that the stones in 3 stone diamond rings represent the past, the present and the future. Just as a couple unite these things when they join together in marriage, so three stone diamond rings represent perfectly all that has made each partner what they are today, the present moment that they share, and the future into which they now walk together. Catch a Cheating Lover? Relationships. Virtually all of us are in one, or at some stage, have been. 10 Reasons Why Married Couples Grow Apart (Part II) This is a continuation of part one of this article which covered aspects such as communication, paying attention, affection and staying connected. We will continue to explore some of the underlying reasons why many married couples seem to be drifting apart and offer suggestions how to prevent or minimize these pitfalls. How realistic are we? So often when we think of our ideal mate we give them qualities and attributes that one person may or may not be able to possess. These qualities can be how they look, how they treat us, to something like what kind of job that they have. The Sting of Infidelity Isnt that Bad! Right? Is it? 1. Sleepless nights are part of a victims' experience and they have countless reasons to toss and turn. Fight, Flight, or Loving Action Fight or flight - our automatic response to danger. When fear is present, adrenaline pours into our system to prepare us to fight or flee - from the tiger, the bear, the lava from the volcano?. Confession of the Egoists! Hamlet has given this generation an awfully amazing and defensive quote "to be or not to be". This article is not at all a serious philosophical one but the humor in life has given birth to a new philosophy. Romance Matters You are never too old and it is never too late to romance that special someone whom you love. There are so many things to do and so many ways to do it. Does a Woman Want a Strong Christian Man? Most women say they want a strong religious man who believes in God, attends church and goes to bible study every week. Is this true? The answer is No if the man is a religious freak who consumes every waking hour brooding over the bible; engages only with non-secular friends; excessively attends religious events; and constantly scrutinizes non-Christian behavior, especially their partner. The 100 Laws In any group of abused women there's almost always at least one who is extremely attractive; well groomed, well presented and the complete opposite of the kind of stereotypes that people normally harbour.At one domestic violence workshop, I met a stunning young woman. A Recipe For Romance So, tonight's the night. You want to have a Romantic evening with your Lady. Relationship Conflict: The 3 Cs of Resolving Conflict "And they lived happily ever after.. Stand By Your Man: No Matter What? We all heard the report of a prisoner escaping after his wife shot and killed the correctional officer transferring him to another jail.What would motivate a woman to kill someone and let her actions render her vulnerable to the death penalty - for a few hours with "her man?" Was he so incredibly special that death was preferable to living without him for a few years?If the positions were reversed, would he have risked the ultimate penalty to aid in her escape? Or would he have shrugged and moved on to a new partner?We are all aware of glaring differences in the psychological makeup of men and women (aside from the often enormous individual differences within any one gender). Destroyers of Relationships Communication and listening is very important in any relationship. For it says in Amos 3:3 Do two walk together unless they agreed to do so? Honesty is another factor in a relationship in Colossians 3:9 it says Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.
|
| home | site map |
| © 2006 |
